The last few weeks have been hard. Mentally and physically it has been challenging. Weight loss has slowed and our entire family came down with the stomach bug and it flat de-railed an entire week of progress. I know tests and trials will come up, however, getting through it is the challenge. I flat failed more than I care to admit in the last few weeks.
The stomach flu is no joke. The baby started first. Middle of the night puking, lots of crying, lots of whining and worst yet- me getting the same bug. I hate puking. I could never be bulimic due to my hate of puking. I spent two days under the weather. Life doesn't stop. Work doesn't stop. You might feel like death, but the kids still need care and you still need to keep your job. Mentally, I was spent. Physically, I was spent. Not always sure how I get through some of this, but in the end I surprise myself and make myself feel better.
Mental challenges seem to keep creeping up on me. I am not sure why I am so freaking emotional (well I know I just don't like to use it as an excuse), but I struggled. I constantly.I need to get out of my own head. I need to push myself harder than I think I can go. I need someone to tell me that I can do it. There are days when I feel mentally strong and others when I feel like I am not capable of doing anything outside of my normal routine. I am not sure why I let people get in my head or things and situations get in my head but they do. Simple things, things that I need to work through and focus on are the key. I need that little bubble hanging on me that keeps me going. It reminds me that I am human, but I am capable of failing.
I was a little nervous about weighing in this last week. I finally was able to get meal privileges back in my diet (daily vs. special occasion). When I had the stomach bug, I wasn't able to work out. I was scheduled to do a new fitness class and was pretty bummed I had to miss it. It took me days to get my strength back up. It took me days to get my sweat out again. The scale reminded me of it. Its been a little over 8 weeks and I have only gained one week. Over Christmas and Thanksgiving I have only had ONE week of gain. That is a kick ass thing. My old self would have NEVER been able to do that. Progress is there, I still need to get out of my head.
I know I say it a lot- but seriously why do I let myself stay in my head? It's the little things. I am behind a gentleman much older and much larger than me for a weigh in. He asks what his final weight was and it was the same as my current weight. I was screaming inside. Second conversation with a friend who is on a weight loss journey. I find out that she is a lower weight than me. It was gut wrenching. I should be happy for these people and instead I am crying inside. Why did I let myself get to this place. I have been avoiding looking at myself for all angles If I look at myself straight in the mirror it doesn't look as bad. Why I didn't make myself turn to the side or the back is beside me. When you start a journey like this its mental. I will continue to struggle until I see more progress. One more day this week until I weigh in. One more day until I get some progress on the scale. One more day to struggle and fight to make myself better.
Stay with me. Remind me why I am doing this. Tell me why and tell me that I am doing a good job. Progress is progress. 0.5lbs of weight loss is still a loss. I sure didnt gain it all in a day, a week or a month. It will take time and will happen.
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