The last few weeks have been hard. Mentally and physically it has been challenging. Weight loss has slowed and our entire family came down with the stomach bug and it flat de-railed an entire week of progress. I know tests and trials will come up, however, getting through it is the challenge. I flat failed more than I care to admit in the last few weeks.
The stomach flu is no joke. The baby started first. Middle of the night puking, lots of crying, lots of whining and worst yet- me getting the same bug. I hate puking. I could never be bulimic due to my hate of puking. I spent two days under the weather. Life doesn't stop. Work doesn't stop. You might feel like death, but the kids still need care and you still need to keep your job. Mentally, I was spent. Physically, I was spent. Not always sure how I get through some of this, but in the end I surprise myself and make myself feel better.
Mental challenges seem to keep creeping up on me. I am not sure why I am so freaking emotional (well I know I just don't like to use it as an excuse), but I struggled. I constantly.I need to get out of my own head. I need to push myself harder than I think I can go. I need someone to tell me that I can do it. There are days when I feel mentally strong and others when I feel like I am not capable of doing anything outside of my normal routine. I am not sure why I let people get in my head or things and situations get in my head but they do. Simple things, things that I need to work through and focus on are the key. I need that little bubble hanging on me that keeps me going. It reminds me that I am human, but I am capable of failing.
I was a little nervous about weighing in this last week. I finally was able to get meal privileges back in my diet (daily vs. special occasion). When I had the stomach bug, I wasn't able to work out. I was scheduled to do a new fitness class and was pretty bummed I had to miss it. It took me days to get my strength back up. It took me days to get my sweat out again. The scale reminded me of it. Its been a little over 8 weeks and I have only gained one week. Over Christmas and Thanksgiving I have only had ONE week of gain. That is a kick ass thing. My old self would have NEVER been able to do that. Progress is there, I still need to get out of my head.
I know I say it a lot- but seriously why do I let myself stay in my head? It's the little things. I am behind a gentleman much older and much larger than me for a weigh in. He asks what his final weight was and it was the same as my current weight. I was screaming inside. Second conversation with a friend who is on a weight loss journey. I find out that she is a lower weight than me. It was gut wrenching. I should be happy for these people and instead I am crying inside. Why did I let myself get to this place. I have been avoiding looking at myself for all angles If I look at myself straight in the mirror it doesn't look as bad. Why I didn't make myself turn to the side or the back is beside me. When you start a journey like this its mental. I will continue to struggle until I see more progress. One more day this week until I weigh in. One more day until I get some progress on the scale. One more day to struggle and fight to make myself better.
Stay with me. Remind me why I am doing this. Tell me why and tell me that I am doing a good job. Progress is progress. 0.5lbs of weight loss is still a loss. I sure didnt gain it all in a day, a week or a month. It will take time and will happen.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
A little down in the dumps- need some motivation
So what do you do when everyone around you communicates their weight and you realize that you are heavier than people you assumed that were much heavier than you? - you pout. That is where I am today. I had a weigh in at the doctor over lunch and realized that even though I am down 14.5lbs and managed to still lose 0.6lbs last week I had a giant blow while scheduling my next appointment. The gentleman in front of me was asking where he was at this week (it is a weight loss center so its common) and I realize that he weighs the SAME AMOUNT AS ME. I know that body composition is a lot of it but seriously- he was like a million feet taller than me and much larger (so I thought).
Do you ever have days when you just want to scream and lose motivation? I am glad I had this appointment today and realized that I needed a pep talk. I ate my lunch and decided a workout was going to happen after work so I could spend more time and focus rather than have a pity party.
Wish me luck as I try to get through this funk. I think we all need some push sometimes!
Do you ever have days when you just want to scream and lose motivation? I am glad I had this appointment today and realized that I needed a pep talk. I ate my lunch and decided a workout was going to happen after work so I could spend more time and focus rather than have a pity party.
Wish me luck as I try to get through this funk. I think we all need some push sometimes!
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Holidays are for the birds when you are on a diet
I am trying my hardest not to consider this a diet. If I feel as if I am missing something, I will binge or go for it. Bad behaviors to change. The holidays are hard. Cookies, candy, cheese (omg where did all this cheese come from and how can I not say yes), drinks, snacks, parties - I cant handle the temptations. These last two weeks have been rough. I will do my best to recap and where I am at. I write this as a honest testament to how I am doing. I am holding myself accountable writing this each time. Someone has to shame me (even if it is myself) when I struggle and fail. I will look back on these in the future and remind myself to never do it again. I am hoping that day comes sooner rather than later. I have to get there first.
So after my last entry there were temptations. SO MANY TEMPTATIONS! My mom, sister and I spent the night of the 18th baking Christmas cookies. I fought temptation and only ate dinner with my family, not the cookies. Huge win here. If you would see how my mom bakes for the holidays you would know how hard it is to say no. I felt like this was a huge win. I kept up on my workouts, had a sugar free Jello (not bad if you need a sweet snack), and called it a win. The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Stayed on the path and got my workout in. This is the key when I have a fail. Walk it off!
The week of Christmas was a bit tougher. My girlfriends scheduled a Christmas dinner at an amazing restaurant and I knew it would break the diet. I worked out that morning, ate well the rest of the day and did my best to make good choices. A glass of wine, pickled veg and some cheese bites (this is a weakness) and a piece of meat off a meat and cheese board, salmon for dinner with veg and a few bites of risotto on a shared plate. Not my best meal, but enjoying the holiday was what I wanted. We ended up at a wine bar after with a glass of champagne and dessert (smores roasted table side) and a midnight return home was a girls night I needed. A few extra workouts are due for that, but I really did enjoy company of friends and other moms. Need to do this more.
Christmas eve and day were a bit tougher. Christmas eve I was due for a weigh in. Time was not on my side - literally. I was 5 minutes late and the office was closed. I was a little down over this. I like stepping on the scale and seeing progress. I would have felt much better getting on the scale. I got through dinner at my mother in laws, my parents dinner and a brunch with the husband and I am feeling just fine. Some mistakes (egg casserole for brunch wasn't on the good list but tasted amazing), but I managed. It wasn't until the next week I struggled.
Most of the weeks prior to Christmas I was getting workouts in. Week of Christmas workouts were fine. I was able to get 2-3 miles in a day outside, abs and some squats at home. The week between Christmas and New Year was much tougher. The temperature outside was frigid and wet. Rain almost every day and the days without rain were literally 40 degrees or lower. I lost my motivation. I didn't eat well for New Years Eve (didn't drink) but struggled. I went to the weigh in thinking I was going to gain weight. I lucked out and am down 2.4 more pounds over these two weeks but I am losing momentum.
Back at it again this week. Three days- three workouts and three good days of eating. Sometimes you have to fail to understand how you have to get to the goal. I will keep pushing. Just need it to go faster sometimes.
So after my last entry there were temptations. SO MANY TEMPTATIONS! My mom, sister and I spent the night of the 18th baking Christmas cookies. I fought temptation and only ate dinner with my family, not the cookies. Huge win here. If you would see how my mom bakes for the holidays you would know how hard it is to say no. I felt like this was a huge win. I kept up on my workouts, had a sugar free Jello (not bad if you need a sweet snack), and called it a win. The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Stayed on the path and got my workout in. This is the key when I have a fail. Walk it off!
The week of Christmas was a bit tougher. My girlfriends scheduled a Christmas dinner at an amazing restaurant and I knew it would break the diet. I worked out that morning, ate well the rest of the day and did my best to make good choices. A glass of wine, pickled veg and some cheese bites (this is a weakness) and a piece of meat off a meat and cheese board, salmon for dinner with veg and a few bites of risotto on a shared plate. Not my best meal, but enjoying the holiday was what I wanted. We ended up at a wine bar after with a glass of champagne and dessert (smores roasted table side) and a midnight return home was a girls night I needed. A few extra workouts are due for that, but I really did enjoy company of friends and other moms. Need to do this more.
Christmas eve and day were a bit tougher. Christmas eve I was due for a weigh in. Time was not on my side - literally. I was 5 minutes late and the office was closed. I was a little down over this. I like stepping on the scale and seeing progress. I would have felt much better getting on the scale. I got through dinner at my mother in laws, my parents dinner and a brunch with the husband and I am feeling just fine. Some mistakes (egg casserole for brunch wasn't on the good list but tasted amazing), but I managed. It wasn't until the next week I struggled.
Most of the weeks prior to Christmas I was getting workouts in. Week of Christmas workouts were fine. I was able to get 2-3 miles in a day outside, abs and some squats at home. The week between Christmas and New Year was much tougher. The temperature outside was frigid and wet. Rain almost every day and the days without rain were literally 40 degrees or lower. I lost my motivation. I didn't eat well for New Years Eve (didn't drink) but struggled. I went to the weigh in thinking I was going to gain weight. I lucked out and am down 2.4 more pounds over these two weeks but I am losing momentum.
Back at it again this week. Three days- three workouts and three good days of eating. Sometimes you have to fail to understand how you have to get to the goal. I will keep pushing. Just need it to go faster sometimes.
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