New Me - day one

You have to start somewhere. This is what I will say is day one. This is the first day that I will make a change for myself. I have been a mom of two and a wife of one and not really found myself in the last few years. No one tells you that you will have to give up part of yourself in order to be a wife, then again when you become a mother. No one tells you that you will need to work harder than ever to keep the little shred that is yourself. By the time I realized I needed to, the relationships were gone and the path is much harder to find myself again.

Most people start a New Years Resolution in January, but I realize if I don't start something now, I wont make it there. Today is day one. I participated in a group discussion about managing my personal dreams. This was an exercise that I wasn't comfortable with. I actually had to think about what my dreams were and what I wanted to accomplish and think about how I was going to manage it. My first "dreams" were all kid related. As I sat there writing them down I had to realize that this exercise wasn't about my kids. This exercise wasn't about my husband. It was about me. For once I needed to actually think about myself. Not an easy task for me.

So this dream manager proved to be more of an exercise than I planned. I literally sat at my computer thinking about what I would want to tell people for way longer than I should have. Should I actually pick goals for myself? Should I pick dreams that are more helpful for my family? I mean seriously Kelly, why cant you just pick things that you want to do for yourself? why is it so hard for one to plan things for yourself when you become a mom or a wife. A wife is easy, you make plans, your husband makes plans, you come home and all is well. A mom is a bit harder. You have to plan on who is responsible for the kid/s. Making plans as a mom is a lot of work. Sometimes more work than I am willing to give. Making my dreams come true is a balance of whether I want to deal with the plans or whether I want to actually give myself some time.

This year is about some me time. My dreams might be vague, but I think they will evolve over the year.
Dream #1 - Financial Freedom- pay off student loans, remove balance from credit cards.
Dream #2 - Lose weight, become more healthy.
Dream #3 - Work on relationships with Friends and Family
Dream #4 - find time to sew
Dream #5 - Keep house in manageable order.
Dream #6 - remodel bathrooms -fresh coat of paint and accessories.

So they are still a little vague. Dream #2 is the first on my list. Today starts my journey to a better me. I met a doctor a few weeks ago that runs a wellness center here in Cincy. My initial meeting was positive and it seemed as if it was a place fore me. I had my first appointment yesterday and set my goals. Hardest part is going to be not eating real food for 28 days. 4 weeks of prescribed meals (soups, drinks and puddings) which consist of 1000 calories a day. Lots of water and that will be the helpers to get me through but I am looking forward to seeing a change. Its going to be a long hard effort but we will get there.